You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
