pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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