You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
