I'm so fucking centered right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
