My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
