was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
