Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
