She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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