Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
