One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
