boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
