yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
