He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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