Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
