i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
