i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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