I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
