Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
