tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
