Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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