i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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