My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize