I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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