Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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