Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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