woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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