I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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