Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
