I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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