I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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