Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
