You can't motorboat a personality
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
