Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
