oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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