I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
