My room smells like vodka and shame
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
