Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize