"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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