You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
