He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
