Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
