dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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