if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
