I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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