just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
