where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize