All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
