R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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