yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
