Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
