it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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