trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
