I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
