Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
