Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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