If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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