Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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