3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize