he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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