Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
false alarm, still single
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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