I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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