my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
