There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
