If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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