Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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