we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
