OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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