i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
