I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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