The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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