grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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