I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
